oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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