If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
