Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
