I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
