I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
