you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
