the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
