it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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