that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
