you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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