Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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