She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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