Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
