so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
