a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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