I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
