but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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