i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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