fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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