I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
