Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
