1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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