My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
