smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize