somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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