Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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