I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
