I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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