Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
