Your mouth is God's brothel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
