my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
