I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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