There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
