I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
