It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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