Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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