and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
