i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
