there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
