My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
