Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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