I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
