just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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