I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
