There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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