TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
