Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
