using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
