I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
