she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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