I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
