he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
