wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
