Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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