Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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