Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
