No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
