How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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