I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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