Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
