Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize