well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
