No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
