Jerry, you need to find god
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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