Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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