There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
