honey bunches of taint.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
