just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
