do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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