Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
