at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
