dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
